Byron!
I don't even like coming into doctors' offices.
I don't get sick ever. I don't never get sick.
- You know that. - Well, thank you for coming with me.
You're welcome, honey. You know I'm always on your side, honey.
I just don't get sick. I don't never get sick.
You're... You sick, but I don't get sick. I'm sorry.
- You nervous, honey? - No.
It's gonna be whatever it's gonna be.
Your mama taught you well, baby.
You got strong faith, Shirley, strong faith.
Hello.
Good God. Lord have mercy.
Good God, he fine.
Doc, I'm sick.
It's in my chest, Doc. Feel my chest. Come on.
Put your hands on my chest, Doc. Feel me.
Check my chest, Doc, please. I'm...
Aunt Bam. Stop it.
She's cute.
Cute? Cute is for puppies.
You mess with me, Doc, I'll have you somewhere sucking on your thumb,
calling for your mama!
Standing on your left leg, bowing down on your right,
wondering what I'm gonna do to you tonight.
Pop, pop, pop it off...
- You married, Doc? - No, ma'am.
- You straight? - Aunt Bam...
What? You gotta ask these questions nowadays, honey.
Will you please wait out in the waiting room?
- Please? - I'm embarrassing you?
I'm sorry, baby. I don't mean no harm. Help me up, Doc.
Just help me up. I gotta bend up like this.
You see, Doc, listen, I don't even get sick.
I don't even like coming into doctors' offices.
'Cause all y'all like to do is just probe all over people, feeling, touch all of them...
Two, four, six-pack.
Look at that?
What? Sorry. Okay, and look, look at your little offices.
This is too small in here. Ain't no room for nobody to turn around.
See, I like to turn it. When I turn it around I like to...
- He's straight. - Aunt Bam.
Okay. But look here, watch this, watch this.
Did you like that? I know he did, look at him.
- Aunt Bam, go on, now. - You blushing. Okay, I'm sorry.
And don't you be out there smoking.
You better be worried about what I'm gonna be out here smoking.
'Cause I'm gonna be out here smoking. I'm going out here to smoke.
And I like what I'm gonna be smoking. I like to see my name in puff.
She's something else.
You don't know the half of it.
So tell me, Dr. Evans.
Well, Ms. Shirley, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
Just tell me.
The reason you've been short of breath and having the headaches
is because the cancer is back.
It's much more aggressive this time. I'm sorry.
I've called in a specialist who wants to try another round of chemotherapy.
Listen, I'm tired.
We've been fighting this thing for, what, seven years?
I really thought we had it beat.
Don't you look so sad.
What I know is that every day that God gives us is a gift.
And when he stops giving it to me, then I get to be with him.
So it's all right.
You're an amazing woman, Shirley.
You're always smiling.
Your faith gives me hope.
Well, God bless you.
I'll call and make an appointment. Okay?
Thank you, Doctor.
Good kush, good kush, good kush, good kush.
Good kush, good kush.
Hey. Christ, praise the Lord.
Good kush.
Baby, I wouldn't go in there. I wouldn't go in there if I was you, hon.
I told you.
Contact.
She's gonna be right when she comes out of there.
- Cora. Cora. - Aunt Bam.
Baby, what are you doing here?
Mr. Brown wasn't feeling well last night.
Well, you know he has diabetes, right?
- He does? - Yep.
- Lord, that's gonna kill him. - Don't say that.
- Lord, he's gonna die. He's gonna die. - He's...
He's not gonna die with that.
- Well, go on back there and see him then. - Well, all right.
Well, wait a minute now, why are you...
I'm all right, honey, I don't get sick. I'm here with Shirley. Shirley's back there.
- How is she? - She's okay.
She's okay. She's got strong faith.
- That's what we need. - She's got a strong back, too.
That could have made a lot for her back in the day...
But, she could pull the hell out of a wagon.
- What you... - Yeah. I ain't even... We didn't need horses.
Shirley was a horse all by herself.
She works like a horse, she treats people nice.
Yeah.
It's just not good to get sick and you treat people nice.
That just don't ever seem fair to me.
- Well, I... - But it's okay, I guess,
you know, the Lord just moves in mysterious ways.
- Yes, he does. - His wonders to perform.
Yes, well, okay. I'll talk to you later, all right?
- I'm going to see him. - Please do, 'cause you...
- And I'll call you. Don't call me. - All right.
'Cause you talks too much is what you do.
What you be saying, though.
Hey, baby. What the doctor say?
It's not good.
Girl, you gonna be all right. You gonna be all right.
Not this time. I need you to call all my children.
Okay, well, when we get home, baby, I'll turn it on for you.
As soon as we get to the house, All My Children...
Bam.
You know, Bam, you need to stop smoking all that weed.
Every time you smoke that weed you act like you crazy.
What are you talking about? You said you wanted to see All My Children.
I said I was gonna turn it on for you.
I wanna see all my family.
Well, okay, make up your mind, hon.
Do you wanna see All My Children or you wanna see All in the Family?
Which one?
- Bam. - What?
Come on, let's go catch this bus before we're too late.
Wait, Shirley, baby, did the doctor ask for my number?
Did he? Did he ask for my digits?
...come to the hospital?
You just gonna come up here and bring me like I'm a kid to the hospital.
You got diabetes and you wasn't feeling well and I brought you to the hospital.
Well, I feel well now. Can we go?
- Good day. - Good day, Doctor. How you doing?
- Very well, thanks. - Good, good.
Now, Mr. Brown, you have to take your insulin.
I've been taking.
- Now, are you eating right? - Yes, sure, I'm eating right. Yes.
No, he doesn't. He's lying.
Cora, ain't nobody... You don't call me no liar.
I'm your daddy. You come here, you're gonna sit there
and look at my face and call me no liar.
- You don't know what I eat. - I know what he ate.
He ate 10 pieces of bacon, three eggs, a biscuit
and a pork chop with jelly and orange juice.
Just for your information that's where you lie,
'cause I don't even eat pork. I ate ham. Thank you.
See, the problem with a lot of people is they think diabetes is just a little sugar.
It isn't. Now you have to eat right...
- He don't do that. - ...you have to exercise.
He don't do that.
And let me tell you something, there are people who have lost their eyesight,
their limbs, and even died from this disease.
Now you gotta get serious about this, lose some weight,
...start exercising, or things could get worse. - Exercise.
Exercising, losing weight...
I am... Doctor, I hear what you...
Are you listening to what he's saying?
Cora, didn't I just say I hear what he's saying?
Now you're gonna make me whoop you. Get you some business.
You need to get you a husband,
maybe that'll keep you out of other people's business.
- You married, Doctor? - No, sir.
Cora ain't married neither.
Why don't you ask her to marry you and y'all live happily ever after
in a forest or something?
So she can leave me alone, stay out of my business.
Stay out of my mental function.
What?
Now, Mr. Brown, I've also noticed you've never had a colonoscopy.
Oh, yes, that's where you're wrong.
I drink colas all the time. I like colas with ice and everything.
And he shouldn't be drinking colas. There's too much sugar, isn't there, Doctor?
Cora, you're too much sugar. Looking like a bag of cotton candy.
Cora is the snack demon.
That's right. I caught her one day sneaking to get some chips.
Under your bed, I found them chip bags.
And she got soda water bags and cups and everything under her bed.
- You... - How many Oreos would this be?
- You... - You know how many it is! Tell me.
- You know how many... - Five Oreos.
You can tell me 'cause you tried to tell me the other night.
We're not in here about me...
Mr. Brown, I do have to tell you that you are well past 40 now.
Way past!
Well, I ain't that much past. You're trying to make it seem like 40 is down there,
and I'm way back... I'm close to 40. Forty's over there and I'm right there.
You make it seem like I'm old or something.
The point I'm trying to make is that you should be having
regular colon and prostrate exams. It could save your life.
Okay. You go ahead and check my collasum and my prostitute. All right?
It's prostate, Mr. Brown.
Cora, I know. It's the same thing.
Just go ahead and just check me.
Hold on. I had some of Cora's chips I found
and I might have some on my prostitate.
Go ahead and check.
Not that end, Mr. Brown.
The other end.
You talking about my beginning and the end?
- Yes! - The devil is a liar!
You can't be back there like that.
- Wait, Doctor. Wait! - Get him, Doc.
I'm new! Please!
Hey, Madea.
What the doctor say about Brown?
He's better. He just has to watch his diabetes, just like you.
Oh, yeah, he got to watch that, honey, he got to watch that for real.
He's gotta stop eating all that foolishness and start exercising.
You right.
I think I'm gonna have the number four.
Welcome to Snax. May I take your order?
Are you at one of those drive-throughs?
Yes, I'm at a drive-through. Hell, I'm hungry. I'm trying to get some breakfast.
Didn't I just tell you, you have to start eating healthier?
Cora, hell, I don't wanna hear that.
I know you're probably standing right next to a vending machine right now.
What you got, a honey bun?
Byron!
Cora, listen, I got to go now.
Girl, I'm driving on the phone. You know Oprah don't want me driving on the phone.
Goodbye.
I'm upset, or whatever the case may be.
I would like to have a ham, egg and cheese biscuit and orange juice.
Call Day back... No, you call him on your phone,
I'm gonna keep callin' Byron, but I'm gonna keep hanging up, answering,
"Nah, nah, nah." Hold on.
- Heller? - Lady, I hear you. Hold on!
- You better answer that phone or... - Okay.
All right. The service ain't what it used to be either, I tell you.
It's Sabrina. Byron...
You need to go on Maury for him, girl.
For real, dawg.
It's hot as hell in this Cadillac and I don't have no air conditioner.
What do you wanna eat?
I want a ham and egg and a cheese biscuit, okay? Heller!
We're out of ham.
You out of ham?
Okay. All right. Fine, fine. Then give me an egg and cheese biscuit.
We're out of egg.
You're out of egg? You're just...
Fine! Then just give me a damn biscuit.
It's 10:31, ma'am, and we just stopped serving breakfast.
Hold the hell on. I've been sitting here for 15 minutes waiting on your... No, honey.
No, no, no. I don't care. I want breakfast.
You want something else like lunch or something?
Ain't nobody say nothing about no lunch.
I don't want no lunch. I want breakfast.
- Breakfast ended at 10:30... - Oh, hell no.
Everybody's all screaming around me or whatever.
- I don't know what you talkin' about. - Little girl.
What?
I'm about to get carbon peroxide poisoning in this damn car,
waiting on you to get me my damn food.
This Cadillac is old as hell.
Where's my food at, honey?
We're out of egg, we're out of ham, and we're out of cheese and biscuit.
So can you get out of line, please?
Where's your manager, honey?
Look, I am the manager.
Now move!
Move!
You hear these people, it's crazy! For real!
She got crazy.
What the...
Hell, you ain't got no damn sense.
I told you I want my damn food.
Oh, my God!
I'm taking everything you got.
You act like you ain't got no sense...
Lady, what is wrong with you?
- Oh, my God! - What the hell's wrong with you?
You're gonna videotape me? You're gonna videotape me?
I'm taking it out.
I'm trying to be patient, I don't know what the hell's wrong with y'all.
Old people, y'all act like y'all ain't got no sense...
- I'm takin' some food... - Where you at?
...and I'm feeding my fat-ass daughter and everybody else and see how you like that.
You ain't seen nothing.
I can't wait for you. If you lookin' for me, my name is Cora Simmons.
...one, two.
I called everybody.
- Good! - Yep.
You scared, Shirley?
Ain't no room for fear when you're this tired.
Bam,
I don't want nobody screaming at my funeral.
- Shirley. I don't wanna talk about... - Come on now.
Listen to me. I can't tell this to my children.
I want Reverend Jackson to give an uplifting sermon.
And I don't want you to let my children fight about anything.
And I want Sister Laura to sing that song I like,
"Heaven's Waiting for Me."
Will you do that for me?
Yes, I will, baby,
but Shirley, you're probably gonna outlive us all.
Only God knows.
Well, just in case you do,
...when I die, I don't want no flowers. - No?
No, I don't want no flowers. I want y'all to plant marijuana stalks
all around my grave.
- I knew I'd make you smile. - Go!
Instead of pouring some for the homies, like the young folks there,
I want y'all to have a puff, puff, pass, repass.
Just pass them all out. Just pass them. I wanna say, "Puff, puff, pass, repass."
Put that down!
- I love to hear you laugh. - God gonna get you.
- No. I... - Puff, puff, pass...
- I want you to start it off. - All that noise goin' on in here. Hey, Mama.
- Hey. Hi, honey. - Hi.
Give me little Byron. Come here, little Byron.
- Go to Aunt Bam. - Byron.
Take little Byron. Take that baby.
Smell like a grown man did it in that diaper.
- Change that baby's diaper. - Please.
- Get that off of me. - Okay, Mama.
Let's go upstairs and change you then, huh?
Get you fresh. Baby, can you hand me a diaper out the bag?
I am not the nanny. Here.
- Well, thank you. - You're welcome.
All right, Mama. I'm gonna go change him.
Don't you think you need to be going with him somewhere?
Why? That is not my baby.
I don't like you.
- Excuse me? - I said I don't like you.
- So? - Bam, the baby is here.
Well, then I tell you what, let's do a nursery rhyme for the baby.
Row, row, row your ho Up and down the street
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily She's just a piece of meat
Whatever!
That's what I don't like about her. That's why I get high.
That's why I have to stay high.
Tell me again why we're here.
Listen, my mother wanted all of us to come over, okay?
I have better things to do than sit at your mama's house.
I mean, I don't know what's worse, the baby poop or the smell of moth balls,
or that Bam thing.
Listen, baby, will you...
Will you please let me just find out what's going on first?
After that I will take you home.
How are you gonna take me home? You ain't got no car.
Every time I come over here, it's some drama.
You remember your apartment and your Benz?
Don't you miss it?
Yeah. Yeah. Just like I miss going to jail, right?
And wasn't I right there by your side?
You? But you wasn't in there.
All you gotta do is make one little drop and get us enough money to get a place.
Instead of spending the night at my sister's house
and me sneaking up here in your mama's house in the middle of the night.
Come on, Byron, don't you wanna be alone with me in our own place?
It's just one drop.
Listen, stop talking about that kind of stuff around my son.
Boy, he don't know what I'm saying.
- Renee. - What?
You are not gonna get caught.
Roscoe said you were one of his best guys when you were slinging.
Come on, Byron. See, when I first met you, you had heart.
Look, and I got heart!
And I also got a job, too. And that's enough for us right now.
I'm out of the game.
Look, I love you, Byron, I really do, but that little 10 an hour you're making
is not taking care of me or you.
I don't wanna talk about this no more. Okay?
Okay. Fine.
I told you to go right and you go left.
- Okay. - I can't stand you sometimes, Harold.
Had you did what I told you to do we would have been here 15 minutes ago.
- Yeah... - I told you this boy has to pee.
- Yeah, but he's all right. - What up, people? What up, Bam?
- I wanna go to the bathroom. - Hey, baby.
You know where the bathroom is, boy. Come on.
Wait a minute, that boy is 10 years old and y'all still taking him to the bathroom?
I told her to stop babying these kids.
What did you say, Harold?
He said he told you to stop babying these children.
I did not say...
- Shut up, you did. - I didn't say that...
- Hey, Tammy. - Why would you... You're a tattletale.
- Calvin! - Hey, Shirley, how are you?
- Where is Kimberly? - You know your daughter, she's working,
...but she'll be here. - Oh, well.
- Harold. - Shirley.
It's so good to see my two fine son-in-laws!
- Yes, ma'am. - Wait a minute, I only see one fine one, hon.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Aunt Bam.
Child, I don't smoke that much, shut up.
Don't turn that... Don't... Leave that alone.
Now...
Thank you very much.
You didn't hear me say don't touch?
Harold, you better get your child.
H.J., stop that now, you see grown folks talking now.
Punk-ass.
See this? Look at this right here. I tell you what...
- Bam, don't kill him! Don't kill him! - Sit down.
Touch it again.
Don't kill him, Aunt Bam!
Look, Harold can let that child act like he wants to if they want to.
Oh, I got another one, honey.
Touch it again. Touch it.
Touch it, Shaka Zulu. Touch it.
- Harold, you don't see this? - He's just a kid.
- You know these new kids, they do... - Shut up!
He's a kid that needs to know who the parents are, Harold.
What do you expect, Aunt Bam?
They let these kids run around like they have no home training at all.
That's why I don't allow my son around these children.
Baby...
- What did she just say? - Tammy, calm down.
She said she don't want her children around your children
'cause your children act like fools.
They look like fools, they dress like fools.
- Look at them, they're just foolish. - Thank you.
I know you're not talking about my children.
My boys that I'm raising?
She punked you. You look like a sucker.
See?
This is why I didn't even wanna come over here to begin with.
Girl, you barely spend time with Mama anyway.
Being here ain't gonna kill you.
Come on, girls, now calm down.
Why are y'all blowing up my phone up anyway?
Wait a minute, your mama told me to call y'all over here.
- For what? - I just wanted to see you, that's all.
Mama, you know I got things to do.
Well, at least stay and have dinner with me. Please?
- Please? - In the middle of the week?
It's bad enough we do this on Sundays.
Princess,
when was the last Sunday that you came over here not to eat with us?
I'm sorry, I must not have been here. What year was that?
You don't remember either, do you? That's it.
Mama, I don't like you begging her.
Come on in the kitchen and help me get this food together,
I need somebody to go into the garage and get the ice.
- Me. - I'll do it.
Hey. Hey, wait for me. Don't y'all leave me...
What am I supposed to do with it?
I don't know, hold it?
Sit... Don't play with me.
Sit down, baby, and hold the baby over there. They'll be back, trick.
- What? - You heard what I said, broad.
I don't stutter.
Touch the TV. Touch it!
I don't like none of you. You make me sick, all y'all.
- Man, I'm so glad to be out of the house. - Got it, Calvin?
- Ain't that right? - I'll tell you what,
this ice is warmer than your sister Tammy any day.
Hey, hey, hey. You better calm down.
Look, man, I know it's your sister and I'm sorry,
but sometimes, man, she makes me so...
You better be quiet. You know she can hear you.
Y'all be playing, but she can really hear like that. I mean, like a dog.
What is wrong with your sisters, Byron?
Man, what is wrong with women period?
Sabrina, for instance, right?
Man, that girl know I only make $1,000 a month.
And I still send her 300.
- Three hundred? - Man, the girl still ain't satisfied.
As soon as I give her the money you know what she wants to tell me?
- What she say? - "Wait a minute! Hold up!
"Hold up! That ain't enough!"
Got the weave and all. "That ain't enough! I need more!"
- So you know what I do? - What do you do?
I give her more.
But then, look, the next time I see her she's in some new clothes.
Why don't you just start buying the baby stuff and give it to her yourself?
I tried that. All she do is take the clothes back and get the money.
- What? - Yeah.
No, no, young buck. You got to take the tags off the clothes.
What, did you think I didn't do that? I did that, too.
Then she takes the clothes and tries to sell them to everybody in the neighborhood.
I am telling y'all, man, she's crazy.
I just... I just want my son to know that I'm out here doing the right thing.
But she's telling everybody something different, you know?
Man, what am I supposed to do?
You got to keep Peter in the gate, you understand me?
Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. I know you ain't talking.
Yeah, you ought to think about that next time you and Tammy
decide to have some more of them little demon seeds y'all got.
- Demon seeds? - Yeah, you.
My kids ain't bad like that.
Look, man, your kids are out of control. You got to do better.
Well, she won't let me discipline them. She won't!
And after a while I just stopped.
Look, I don't know what's wrong with her. We argue all the time,
every time I turn around, I was trying to do something,
she's just driving me crazy!
I'm dealing with the same thing with Kimberly.
She's always mad. I don't know what to do with her.
And it seems like the longer that we're married, the worse it gets.
You know what, maybe her and Tammy are going through menopause or something.
No, it ain't no menopause. Tammy... Tammy...
Tammy was like that when we first met. Yeah.
As soon as we got together she was yelling at me.
Wow.
- What? - And you still married her.
Yeah. But it's worse now.
'Cause now she won't look at me, I can't touch her, I can't even come near her,
and we ain't had sex in over a year.
Oh, Lord Jesus, please kill the visuals.
I'm bound up.
Why do it sound like both of y'all in prison?
I'd get more love in prison.
Coming home to a house that you're paying for, and there's no peace, is prison.
I don't know how much longer I can take this.
- So what are you saying, man? - Something's got to give.
- Well, do you love my sister? - Yeah.
- All right, man. - Sometimes that's not enough, Byron.
I hear you on that, but, dawg, you ain't got but six years in.
Next week it will be 17 years for us.
- You know what, something's got to give. - Yeah.
- You know, we need to hang out more. - We need to talk on the phone
...and support group or something. - We need to go to a strip club.
Wait, wait, wait, now, hold up, hold up, hold up.
Before y'all both go jumping into the deep end,
I know my sisters, all right?
All y'all got to do is just do something nice for them.
Calvin, why did you take Kim to one of them fly spots, man?
Nice restaurant, let her relax a little bit.
And Harold, find my sister a nice anniversary gift or something like that.
Anniversary gift? Like what? What you think, though?
I don't know. Some flowers, something.
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna try that.
I can't believe I'm taking advice from an 18-year-old.
Hey, hey, I know something about them ladies. You see how I do.
I got two fighting over me right now.
Yes, you do.
Hey, y'all smell that?
That's weed.
Aunt Bam. What are you doing?
Yes.
What? I'm hunting wabbits. What the hell y'all think I'm doing?
- Byron? - Yes, ma'am.
I think your baby mama's about to kill your girlfriend.
What? Baby mama?
Yeah. Sounds like she got her in a choke hold.
- All right, Byron, you better get... - No...
- No, no, no, no! - Byron.
Byron, how you gonna disrespect me by having one of your tricks holding my baby?
Listen, we ain't together, okay?
You know what, where my money at, Byron?
Who are you calling a trick, retard?
Byron, you told her about my IQ test scores?
For real? That's how you feel it?
- What are you talking about? - You make me sick.
You so ugly with your yellow self,
and you, start with me.
Go ahead, start with me. Jump, frog, jump.
You know what, Shirley, I know you wanted me to come to this dinner,
but I really can't do this. I can't have my baby around this trash, I got to go.
I really wanted you to stay for dinner.
Mama?
No, Ms. Shirley, no. No, ma'am, no ham, no turkey. Just let me go.
I already had a rough day at work with some crazy old woman
that needs to be in jail, for real, though.
Speaking of jail, I hear you're back on the streets, Byron.
- What? - Selling dope.
You know what I'm talking about.
I wish.
Mama, she's lying.
Well, then the whole block is lying, Ms. Shirley.
Don't listen to her, okay?
Look, she just wants you to be mad at me, that's all.
I just wanna know if I can get a dime bag.
Oh, God, I got to check on my biscuits, see if my...
Oh, my God, what I got a lie for, Byron?
Stop. Stop. Stop.
Girl... I swear to God!
Keep playing with me. I'll have 5-O on your ass in 2.5 seconds.
I want my money.
How are you gonna give this chick all this money
but you can't even give me $300 for your son?
You're a trifling ass father, Byron.
- Stop. Stop it. - You was a trifling ass father, Byron.
Listen. Hey, hey, hey.
Hey. Shut up! Be quiet!
Listen.
- Shut the hell up. - Please, thank you.
You know I give you money every month.
Oh, my God, I'm so happy that I got this little job at this little burger joint,
because it looks like I'm gonna have to be the man of this relationship, too.
We? Us? We ain't in no relationship. At all.
Never. Ever.
Boy, you know you want all this,
this almondy stuff.
Listen, can I get that dime bag, though?
- Aunt Bam... - Oh, my God.
I gotta get out of here. Let me go.
Come on. Your father don't want you. But it's all right.
We're gonna be all right. Excuse me.
- "Father," with a "V"? - Yeah.
- "Faver," mother... - Watch your mouth.
- Excuse me. - Okay. Keep it walking.
I did the best I could to raise you and you're gonna do this again?
Mama, the girl is lying.
You are gonna go back to jail.
What is wrong with you, boy?
- Ever since your father died... - Look, Mama, she's lying.
Look, if you don't believe me, then I might as well go out here and do it.
That's if you believe her.
Mama, I'm not selling no dope.
Mama, look at me.
I'm not doing nothing.
I wouldn't keep no secrets from you.
Just like you wouldn't keep no secrets from me.
I get it.
You can believe it if you want to.
Renee!
We out.
Shirley, look, look, look. Look, look, look, look.
Quick, look, look, look.
Mother, we're leaving, too. I have to pick up my son from daycare.
Mama wants to have dinner with you. I don't get...
You have dinner with her.
I'm sure there's enough for you and your herd.
Girl, I will stump a mud hole
...in your skinny, bougie... - A mud...
- Honey... - Don't touch me, Calvin.
I'm sorry, Ms. Shirley. See ya.
- Aunt Bam. - All right.
Jiggle, jiggle, pull 'em apart.
You ain't had that happen in a long time, have you?
No, but... Tammy.
Bye, Calvin.
I feel sorry for you that you have to go home with that.
What's a mud hole? What is it?
Aunt Bam, you're too high.
I would love to see that, I tell you.
Harold, H.J., Will, come on.
Well, that went nice.
When am I gonna tell them with them behaving that way?
Shirley, listen, I don't know, we'll figure something out, baby, please.
But I want 'em all together so I can tell 'em.
You're gonna ruin my high, honey. You're gonna ruin it. You're gonna ruin it.
I know you wanna tell 'em.
Hey, y'all, Mama wants y'all... She's gonna tell y'all something.
Bam, you need to stop all that smoking.
You need to smoke something.
We've been arguing...
- Shut the hell up. - All right.
Now wait a second. All right? All right? Okay. All of you be quiet.
Because I can tell the truth right here.
We've got the results right here.
Okay.
In the case of Baby DeShawn,
neither of you are the father.
Lord, I knowed it, I knowed it. I knowed that wasn't the daddy.
Mabel, get your big ass out the way. You know it's fit for television.
That is trifling as hell. How the hell she had all of them men
if she don't even know who the baby daddy is?
Yeah. You know who that remind me of? You.
You know you was a ho back in the day. Yes, indeed.
But you know, look here, that boy, he didn't even know that wasn't his baby.
Been paying child support 18 years.
Giving, two, three, four hundred dollars.
Four hundred dollars he's giving that girl a month.
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna start a company.
For every baby daddy who has been through some trouble with baby mamas.
I'm gonna call it, "1-800-Choke-That-Ho."
How about 1-800-Choke-That-Ho?
That's a rap song, Mabel.
1-800-Choke-That-Ho.
Joe, shut up. Just shut up.
Mabel!
Mabel! Mabel! Mabel! Mabel!
I'm right here, jackass!
Mabel, I went to the doctor, and they say I'm dying.
Mr. Brown, you are not dying.
You had a colonoscopy and they found a growth
and they wanted to remove it and do a biopsy.
See, they wanna do a biopsy on me. That means I'm dying.
They found a growth?
- Yes. - Yes.
You had to go to the doctor to find that out?
Hell, I'm looking at a growth coming out of your shoes.
That's a good one, Mabel. I see the growth, too.
Y'all laughing, but I think I got the cancer.
You are the cancer!
Mabel, can you do something for me, baby?
- Yes. Yes. - Do one thing for me.
Can you just hold me one more time?
- Madea! Madea! - I can't see.
Don't get up on me, touching me like that.
You didn't have to do that, Madea.
Mabel, you got big old man hands.
And you don't have a big old man nothing.
That's a good one, baby.
You on a roll, girl. You on a roll.
What did the veterinarian say?
That girl said "the vet." She say "the vet."
You is funny. You are the next Lenny Bruce. You funny. You funny.
Madea, that is not funny.
What did the veterinarian say? I'm sorry. Okay.
It's not funny. Y'all laughing, but I think I see the light.
I see the light, too.
Hell, all them colors you got on, you are the light.
Taste the rainbow. You look like a pack of Skittles.
MC Lyte, Crayola light,
Budweiser Light, jackass light.
I know, I know it wasn't good, but I got it.
Madea, Uncle Joe, don't do that. That is not nice.
Just say something nice to him for once.
I will say something nice to him for once.
Something nice to you for once.
Madea!
When I'm gone, they'll appreciate me.
All right, don't even worry about it. You gonna be all right. You gonna be...
- I am? - Yes, Brown.
Lots of people done had to have colonoscopies.
You're supposed to get that done
when you get to be a certain age, anyway.
You're gonna be all right.
It's good to get your rooter checked.
That's all right, Brown. That's all right, Brown. You're gonna be fine.
All dogs go to heaven.
So, I know they have room for silverbacks.
That is so mean, Uncle Joe.
Funny.
- Madea. - He is silverback, too.
He's just...
Hey, y'all. Joe! Madea, Mabel.
Hey, Bam.
Hey, Cora. Hey, Brown.
Hey, Bam.
Bam, did they tell you I'm dying?
That's good to hear.
- What? - Aunt Bam, he said he's dying.
Oh, sorry.
Help me.
What brings you by here, honey?
Shirley and her kids.
How's she doing?
Not good. Not good at all.
Help me. Help me.
You need to help her with her kids.
- No, child. No, no, no. - They out of control.
I don't know why folks wanna run to the elders
after their children get out of control,
when the elders be telling them all along y'all need to get these children straight.
Now that they're grown and out of control, they want some help from us.
I'm sorry, honey. We have two different styles of raising children.
She like to pray, I like to punch.
We can't do that. She's my favorite niece and all,
but no, child, I'm not fittin' to get into that. No.
Help me.
Abort, abort. Evacuate. Abort, evacuate.
- What? - Mabel, she needs your help, honey.
Can't nobody bring a family together like you can.
And can't nobody eat a steak like you can.
And can't nobody do me like Jesus. Help me. Help me.
Help me. Help me, please. Somebody. Somebody, anybody...
- Joe, what's wrong with you? - Somebody help me.
What is wrong with you, fool?
Y'all don't hear that?
- Hear what? - Hear what?
That's the floor. It's talking. Listen.
Help me.
It's saying that 'cause it got all y'all big asses standing on that floor.
- That's them. - Joe.
It's the truth. Them floor joints is screaming...
- They're screaming like... - Shut the hell up, Joe, shut up.
Don't shake like that, Mabel.
Hell, all that cellulite, and look like you got hail damage
all over your legs when you shake. Don't do that.
These stretch marks is a road map to heaven.
You follow this GPS, it's gonna take you somewhere you ain't never been before.
Your stretch marks about to make me... I got to throw up.
You about to throw up that cancer in your back.
Get it all out, get it all out, let him use you.
Mabel, please. Please help Shirley.
Does Shirley know you're over here?
Well, she'll be fine with it.
She'll be fine with it.
Give me all their addresses and I will go by there and try to help them.
Thank you. Yes!
- You ain't gonna hold me... - Just shut the hell up!
What the hell's wrong with you, Brown?
Talking about somebody... Don't nobody wanna hold you here.
Your mama didn't even wanna hold you when you was born.
I don't know what the hell you always got something.
You working on my damn nerves.
Heller?
Hold on. Joe, your bookie on the phone.
I'll be damned if I come up in there on that floor.
That floor getting ready to cave in.
The termites are saying, "Evacuate, run. Everybody, man your battle stations.
"Get out, get out. It's..."
Come get the phone.
Whoever that is, they're gonna have to call me back, 'cause I ain't stupid.
If I walk up in there, that floor is gonna just go.
'Cause I'm the feather that will break the camel's back,
'cause y'all killing that camel.
All them joints is about to snap.
The termites getting ready to run from out of here, they're saying,
"Evacuate! Abort! Abort!"
The termites screaming, "Abort, abort!
"Because these fat asses are gonna fall through the roof."
- What? - Shut up, fool. Shut up.
Shut up.
How's it looking, Doctor?
I'm sorry.
No need to be sorry.
Is there anything I can do?
How long do I have?
Four, maybe six weeks.
And if we continue with the chemo, maybe longer.
Well, thank God for the days I have had.
You're the most amazing patient I've ever had, Ms. Shirley.
Always smiling. Always seeing the bright side.
Well, living for God is the bright side.
And, Doctor, God bless you for all your help.
I brought you these brownies. Bam loves these.
Thank you.
And don't be so sad.
I'm going to be fine.
Calvin, I asked you to watch him.
C.J., why would you drop that when I told you not to?
Don't do that again, okay?
No more. Play with this. Here.
C.J., are you okay? Are you okay? You gonna be all right.
Don't baby him while I'm talking to him. He needs to learn.
To learn what? He's 18 months, Kimberly.
- I hate it when you do that, Calvin, I hate it. - He's a baby.
And he's gonna end up just like Tammy's kids.
- No, he's not. - Yes, he is.
You show me no respect, do you know that? None.
Babe, listen, I do show you respect.
But you're wrong and you shouldn't be yelling at him like that.
Like the way you yell at your family.
I mean, what is up with that?
What's going on with you and your sister?
I don't wanna talk about her.
No, no. Something goes on every time you're around your family.
Drop it.
I'm getting really tired of this, Kimberly. Really tired.
Well, that makes two of us.
I think we need to see a marriage counselor.
I'm not going to any counselor.
So you're not interested in trying to fix this.
Fix what? Tell me, what's broken?
Well, I guess if you don't know, then we don't need to see one.
Who left these dishes in the sink?
H.J.
No, I didn't. Daddy left them.
Oh, you wait until he gets home.
You're gonna get it for lying on Daddy.
You better shut up.
I'm not a maid, you know.
You look like one.
Come wash these plates, H.J., and I'm not playing.
I don't feel like washing them plates. Tammy, leave me alone.
- Boy, I could hurt you sometimes. - Blah, blah, blah.
Daddy's right. You nag too much.
- He said that? - Yeah.
He said you don't cook right, it be burnt all the time.
- Hey, man. - What's up, punk-ass?
Did you bring me something home?
- Did you do your homework? - No, fool.
Then I didn't bring you nothing home.
- Where's your mom? - In her skin.
When you jump out, she jump in.
- Move! You shut it. - Damn.
Tammy, it's our anniversary, baby.
Good God.
Happy anniversary, baby.
You think I want some flowers you just picked up on the side of the road?
Ain't no thought put into that, Harold. "Happy anniversary."
Why would I wanna spend an anniversary with you?
There's nothing happy about the years we've been together.
Tammy, I'm trying.
Yeah, I'm trying, too.
I'm trying to get the hell away from you.
And why'd you leave those dishes in the sink there before you left?
What? I didn't leave no plates.
And you told our sons that I nag too much?
- Tammy. - Shut up, I'm talking.
- But, I... - I don't know why in the hell
after I go to work all day I got to come home and clean up after you.
Tammy, you need to have these boys help you clean up around here.
Didn't I tell you I was talking?
Okay? What is wrong with you?
Am I allowed to answer that?
That is a question, Harold.
Never mind. Just leave me the hell alone.
Will you at least take the flowers?
- Oh, my God, it just cut me. - Let me see.
See? See? See? See? That's what it is. That's what it is.
What did I do to you?
Don't start all that whining.
Look, I just want us to spend some time together.
No, I'm going to bed.
Keep your stuff in your pants. Good night.
I don't wanna hear your voice.
Shut up.
Tammy...
Happy anniversary, Tammy.
Boy, open the door. People looking out their windows.
"Be quiet."
You always trying to tell me to be quiet.
I swear, you're getting on my nerves with that.
What? Are you serious?
You really have me sneaking
...through your mother's house again. - Stop! Stop! Stop!
I don't like this. Let my hand go.
- Girl... - What?
You better hush your mouth.
Take me to a hotel with your cheap ass.
- I ain't got no money for no hotel. - Of course you don't.
You don't have money for a hotel, to buy me shoes
...or anything else for that matter. - Be quiet!
- You're getting on my damn nerves. - Stop it.
Why you got to... Pain in the ass.
Shut up.
- It stinks in here. - Be quiet.
Look, do you love me?
Yes, I guess.
All right then. Stick with me.
You work at a warehouse. What am I supposed to do with that?
I don't know. How about you get a job?
If I got to get a J-A-B, you ain't getting N-U-N.
Yes, you heard me.
See, when I first met you,
I told you that I needed to be kept.
You're not keeping me.
- Look, Renee. - What? It's just one drop. I don't get it.
No. The answer's no.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Look, how about you be quiet before you wake my mama up.
You're so worried about me waking your mama up,
look like the police are about to.
What?
Damn!
Oh, this is so ghetto.
- Byron Watkins? - Yeah.
Put your hands behind your back. We have a warrant for your arrest.
- For what? - What is he getting arrested for?
- What is going on? - What did I do?
- Come with us, sir. - Mama, I didn't do nothing, okay?
- Ma'am, please, step back inside the house. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Officers, wait a minute.
- He don't even sell drugs no more. - Oh, hush up about all them drugs.
What are you doing here?
Hi. I've been calling you.
Mother, what are you doing here this late? How did you get here?
On the bus.
The bus?
Mama, there are no buses in this neighborhood.
Well, I rode it as close as I could get, then I walked the rest of the way.
What's going on?
- Byron was arrested. - Again?
Yes, and I need bail money for him.
No. Mama, I'm not giving you any money.
If Byron wants to walk around here selling dope, I can't stop him.
He was not selling dope.
Then what was he arrested for?
I don't know, but it wasn't that.
How do you know, Mama?
I looked into his eyes. A mother knows.
A mother knows.
Mama, I'm sorry, but I'm not giving you any money.
Just use my house, then, as collateral.
It's already paid for.
Yes, it is, but I just paid it off again.
Do you remember all the debt from the second mortgage
and getting him the lawyer the last time?
- He is not lying. - He was before.
- Ms. Shirley. - Go back to bed, Calvin.
Ms. Shirley, come on inside. What are you doing outside?
- I was just... - Money.
Byron got arrested and she wants money.
I'm sorry. How did you get here?
On the bus. Can you help...
Look, Mama, I told you I'm not giving you any money.
- Kimberly. - Stay out of this, Calvin.
Let me put some clothes on. We'll go down there and bail him out.
Oh, really, with what?
Gosh, you are just going to disrespect me and my wishes again?
That's your mother, girl.
What are you going to do, let her walk home?
Well, she did find a way to get here. I'm sure she can find her way back.
You are something else.
I don't know why she treats me that way.
I'm sorry, Ms. Shirley.
All I've ever tried to do was love her, you know.
Oh, it's okay. Don't cry, don't cry. It's okay.
I'm just tired, Calvin.
I'm just so tired.
- Cora, I don't wanna go. - Mr. Brown...
Cora, you can't make me go, no way.
All right, Mr. Brown, listen, we're going to make you as comfortable as we can.
Cora, you don't have to let him do this to me.
You're gonna be all right, Mr. Brown.
I ain't gonna be all right.
You go in there and they tell you it's gonna be all right,
...you wake up dead. - Oh, no...
Y'all kill people in here.
Have anybody ever died in here?
- Exactly. Cora, don't do this to me, please! - Calm down, Mr. Brown.
- Cora, tell Madea... Tell Madea I love her. - I will.
- Okay, Cora, tell Madea I'm gonna miss her. - All right, Mr. Brown.
- Please, Cora, pray for your daddy. - I will, Mr. Brown.
- Pray for your daddy. - I'm praying for you now.
- Don't let him do... Pray for your daddy. - I'm praying for you.
Pray for your dad
I'm praying.
Pray for your daddy
- Cora, pray. Sing it. - I'm praying.
Pray for your daddy
Bam, this is what I don't understand. When did you start going to church?
Look, I had to go to church.
Bam, back in the day we used to share the dime.
We used to steal, kill, rob and stab and now you run to the church house.
Yes, I had to.
Child, I ran up in that church house...
Stop that lying.
What? I ain't even told you the whole story yet.
You done told three lies
just that quick, talking about "I ran up." You're lying.
You ain't run up nowhere.
Look, everybody need run up in here from this house.
These people, they're just a mess up in here. It's just awful.
I got about $200 I can let y'all borrow.
About $200, I'll go down there and put it on his book
or give y'all for bail, but you can't get it till the 1st.
Can't get it till the 1st?
Got to get it on the 1st.
Well, we need it today, but it's okay. It's all right.
We'll take what we can get, hon.
But I was just hoping that Kimberly would just give it all to her.
That thing's still mean as hell, ain't she?
Mean as a junkyard dog.
And listen, Tammy's boys are out of control. Way out of control.
- Really? - Just misbehaving.
- Just awful. - I need to meet them.
Byron's baby mama.
She's just ghetto. Real ghetto. And then her voice just drives you crazy.
I don't know why she be doing all that whining and carrying on.
She's just crazy.
I told Shirley, I said, "Let me talk to them children," long, long time ago.
She saying, "No, I'm just gonna pray for them."
The Bible say, "Faith without work is dead."
You got to do more than just pray for them children, don't you?
- You do. - You got to knock the hell out of them.
- That's what you got to do. - The Christians...
The Christians need to know that.
That's right. From the top, from the top.
- Ding, there's the Lord. - Yes. Yes.
- Hey, Shirley. What is you doing, girl? - Hey, Madea.
- Get on here and sit down. - What are you doing here?
- How you been? - Oh, fair to middling.
Fair to middling.
Bam told you, didn't she?
She got you $200 that she's gonna bring by on the 1st. Is it 1st?
On the 1st. On the 1st.
- On the 1st? - 'Cause I won't have it till the 1st.
But what did Kimberly say?
Well, did she give you some money for him?
No. She won't even let me borrow on my own house.
Well, I called Harold and Tammy.
- They ain't got money. - You're right. They ain't got money.